Adventures in Engrish

Adventures in Engrish - Trip 1

10/22/05 - Excursion to El Paso's Biggest Dollar Store

Fast 2 Surmount
The title alone should make you wonder - it sounds like they tried to find a cool-sounding, non-copyright-infringing version of "2 Fast 2 Furious" and failed dismally. The cars look more like the front end of semi trucks rather than actual race cars. On the packaging, a sign beside the road reads "DANDER" I never knew pet allergies were such a problem with racecar drivers. Or truckers.

Pirates of the High Seas Cutlass
Pirates of the High Seas Pirate Cutlass
That artwork looks familiar. Could it be... Pirates of the Caribbean? No, it's "Pirates of the High Seas"! Right. The text on the top left reads "CONQEUR THE SEA" - how about you try to conquer English first? I like the fact that "Pirate" and "Cutlass" are in different fonts. Although it's described as a cutlass only, the set comes with all manner of cheap piratical accessories. Yarr.

Police Equip Series
Text reads "THE FINEST QUALITY AND THE BEST VALUE". Somehow I doubt it. The text below was found on a bunch of different toy packages. It says "most new catena completely new to come in to the market". No capitalization, no clue what "catena" means. It's definitely not an English word. This "completely new to come into the market" slogan was found on most products. I'm guessing it's a bad translation of "all new" or suchlike.

Trans Formers
Hello, copyright infringment! First off, I doubt this thing actually "transforms" in any way. Second, it looks more like a Gundam or a Zord than a Transformer. The ginormous weapon actually says "SUPER SWORD" on it. That's like the Halloween costumes that have a picture of the character on the front explaining what you're supposed to be. Note the completely unnecessary Chinese characters at the top of the pack - these are everywhere on bootleg toys.

Be Without Equal Racer
The title alone is worth a mention, but look at the tagline: "Good toy that play". Yikes. Not to mention that this looks nothing like a racecar of any kind. Perhaps the bootleg companies have a different definition of racer, judging by this and the "dander" vehicle above.

Preeminent Car
Tagline reads: "The best welcome gifts for all children" (pics taken on a camera phone so they're not great). I don't know any kid who'd consider a "Preeminent Car" to be a welcome gift of any sort.

DIY Work Tool Set

Our builder friend says "Very Good!" and "Come and play together!" but the disclaimer tries to put a damper (dander?) on all that fun - "SPECIFICATIONS COLOURS AND CONTENTS MAY VARY FROM ILLUSTRATIONS". You mean this set doesn't include the realistic-looking wrenches and screwdrivers pictured under the "DIY"? What a surprise! As if you couldn't tell by the clear packaging, they felt the need to spell this out. However, this set does include "many styles a lot. Selected freely by your", so it can't be all bad, right?

Super Basket Ball

"Powerful a strong sports!" I doubt that a dollar-store foam hoop is powerful or strong, and probably doesn't count as a real sport either. The package tells us that "spirit is unreal". Sadly, this Engrish packaging is far too real.

Preeminent Car

You know you've been waiting for this... this, ladies and gentlemen, is the Preeminent Car. It looks more like Barbie's double-decker bus to me. This features "100% New Concept", and the stickers read "Sweet" and "Beautiful". Somehow it seems out of place next to the high-tech city pictured on the card. Is this a "best welcome gift"? I don't think so.

Waist Trimmer

Not a toy, but Engrish just the same. Claiming "sauna action for men and women", the Waist Trimmer also says: "Trust it ! Make you Beauty Healthy!" Let me put it this way - if you're getting all of your fitness equipment from the Dollar Store, I think being Beauty Healthy is the least of your problems. The top line of the bottom text reads "For men and women neopreena".

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