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Impostor Oak's Advice to New TR Trainers! Yo! I'm Impostor Professor Oak. I've dedicated my life to the stealing and manipulating of these strange creatures known as Pokemon. What's a Pokemon? How dense are you? They're only the most profitable creatures in the universe, and it's my job to make sure they benefit me financially as much as possible. Some Pokemon professors start new trainers off with their choice of Pokemon, which helps the trainer capture wild Pokemon and hopefully become a master trainer someday. That is the stupidest idea I ever heard. Why go through all the time and effort to capture and raise Pokemon when you can just as easily steal someone else's? Usually, a trainer gets to choose a Grass, Water, or Fire type Pokemon to begin their journey. I start my Rocket trainers off with their choice of a vicious Pokemon companion, usually of the Poison variety. After all, what opposing Pokemon can battle for long after being severely poisoned? Once the Pokemon is weakened, the Rocket trainer should have little trouble stealing it. One of the best ways to become a successful Team Rocket member is to pose as a typical, naive Pokemon trainer. Request a battle with a young trainer, and he or she will always accept. Many trainers, especially young, inexperienced ones, will jump at the chance to prove their Pokemon prowess to an opponent. You should pounce on this opportunity faster than a Persian pounces a Rattata. Once the battle begins, start off slowly. Allow the kid to think he or she has the advantage, but don't allow your Pokemon to get knocked out. Frequently, the thrill of imminent victory will make your opponent overconfident and careless. As soon as this happens, let loose with your Pokemon's strongest attack (I recommend a Poison attack) to surprise your opponent. Attack relentlessly, and as soon as you think his or her Pokemon is weak enough, throw a Rocket Ball (my patented device that overrides a trainer's Poke Balls) or physically grab the Pokemon, then run away. Your Team Rocket partner is invaluable at this stage of the capture. While you are busy battling and snatching the Pokemon, your partner should be preparing the getaway vehicle (your Jeep, hot air balloon, tank, helicopter, submarine, etc). By working together, you and your partner should be able to pull off many successful Pokemon heists in this way. If the capture is unsuccessful, run away! Run away before the cops arrive on the scene (like those pesky Officer Jennys). Remember, you are of no use to Team Rocket if you continually find yourself in trouble with the law. Leave no evidence behind, and carry disguises at all times. The most important thing to remember in Pokemon stealing is this: trainers are stupid. Many Rockets can totally disguise themselves with something as simple as a pair of glasses. Using many different accessories and costume pieces increases your chances of avoiding detection. And don't worry if you have a distinctive voice or hairstyle. Chances are, a trainer who has seen you before in your Team Rocket uniform will never recognize you in a different outfit. If you don't succeed in capturing some kid's Pokemon on your first attempt, try it again! I know of two Rocket trainers who have been going after the same little Pikachu for years. Although they've never succeeded in stealing it, they keep on trying. Follow their example and don't give up. You never know when you might come across some new scheme for stealing that elusive Pokemon. Success might be right around the corner.
Try not to blow it, huh?
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